When Your Voice Shakes, Use It Anyway

If I could tell my 20-year-old self one thing, it would be this: Don’t let someone else’s negativity rent space in your head for free.

Shortly before I started college, I was in my high school choir. We were preparing for a Christmas concert, and our choir director was holding auditions for the opening lyrics of Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas Is You.

For reasons that still surprise me, shy little me decided to audition.

Picture it: one nervous teenager standing in tennis shoes that suddenly felt two sizes too big, trying not to shake apart in front of the class. The other girl auditioning looked completely confident, surrounded by supportive friends. Meanwhile, I was busy wondering if I could somehow disappear into the choir risers.

Just before my turn, I overheard one of her friends say, a little too loudly, “I can’t wait to see this.”

My heart promptly performed a swan dive.

When I stepped forward, my mind went blank, my nerves took over, and I didn’t sing nearly as well as I could have. I didn’t get the part, and I spent the rest of class replaying every off-pitch note in my head.

For years, I thought the disappointing part was losing the audition.

It wasn’t.

What bothered me most was realizing that I had let someone else’s comment steal the courage it took to stand up there in the first place.

Looking back, that moment followed me into my twenties. Not because I failed an audition, but because I became too willing to silence myself before anyone else had the chance.

These days, I’d tell my younger self that courage isn’t about being fearless. It’s about showing up even when your voice shakes. People will have opinions. Some will cheer for you, some won’t. Neither group gets to decide what you’re capable of.

And if your heart decides to perform a swan dive now and then, sing anyway.