Dodgeball Justice

Before I go Aesop’s Fables on anyone, define spontaneous.

Okay, that checks. I’m not sure where this story will go, but I’ll keep it short and sweet. I licked a bully over a ball.

Now, before you press return to sender, let me explain. It happened on dodgeball day in elementary school. My elementary school had two bullies, but let’s focus on one. We’ll call him De—Destro. Sure, why not.

Destro was tall, opinionated, and had enough muscle to give the gym teacher a run for his money. He picked on other students, and sometimes things escalated to the point that he fought with teachers. We liked to say he was a tower with ‘tude.

That day, Destro and I were placed on the same team during dodgeball. Although I could dodge, catching one of those deflated yellow safety orbs just wasn’t in the cards.

After a couple of rounds, a ball finally rolled to my feet. Just as I bent to pick it up, Destro snatched the ball from my fingers. I glared at him. Shouted for him to give the ball back.

He snorted, rolled his eyes, and hiked back to throw the dodgeball. One problem: I was still attached.

Destro growled at me, “Let go!”

Instead, I spat his words back at him. Then added, “I will bite you.”

He gave another snort, dragging the ball and me to the front lines.

Finally, I snapped. No one drags me like a sack of flour. I opened my mouth and dragged my tongue over the back of his hand. He jerked hard enough to drop the ball and me. I cackled like the little witch I was and ran off with the ball. (My precious!)

Moral of the story: never get between a girl and her dodgeball.